If Only We Had Known: Reflections about 9-11

I journaled these reflections about 9/11 years ago but never published it. I hope it encourages you to take a backward look, as well as a forward look at events in our lives like 9/11.

If Only We Had Known

Rebecca Barlow Jordan

The day began like any other.

Rushing to our work, we paused only briefly to acknowledge the day,

His Lordship, and His throne…

If only we had known.

With short goodbyes and heavy sighs, we walked with quickened pace

to meet the demands of the day.

With resolute “I can’s” we greeted friends and co-workers,

waving as we passed by, before answering ruthless ringing phones…

If only we had known.

Our thoughts were far from the day before—

where hasty dinners or snatches of conversation squeezed a few more minutes from our day.

And some, more fortunate than others, framed a memory:

a long embrace exchanged with children,

intimate moments shared with husband or wife,

while others winced from hostile strife and angry tones spoken much too hurriedly…

If only we had known.

Then quickly, much too quickly, in the blinking of an eye,

our world caved in and darkness fell, and few could tell what happened.

Some crawled out, dazed, confused, bleeding, and needing as never before

a hug, a hand, a smile–

a way to understand what kind of God would let this happen to His own…

If only we had known.

No place to go, no room to hide…

seeking someone in whom we could confide

and cast our whys safely at Heaven’s feet,

searching frantically through the rubble for that last embrace…

that treasured kiss, that last assurance of “I love you. I’ll see you at home…”

If only we had known.

And still we wait.

Yet gathered all around us are new members of our family:

black and white and brown, short and tall, but all

extending hands that say, “I’m here, and I care–”

a tender, whispered prayer, a fervent hope in a future unknown…

If only we had known.

And though they can’t replace the hurts, the searing pain,

the wounds, the ache, the loss of ones so dear…

there is less fear of what tomorrow may bring

when we bond our hearts as friends with each other,

and with the One Who holds the world together.

And in so short a time, our world has grown beyond our confining walls…

If only we had known.

One still, small voice whispers softly each morning:

“You won’t understand…not now…not for a long, long time.”

And we bristle momentarily as our hearts still try to find a way to start again

and not to harbor hate, but wait,

one

day

at a time.

But His voice grows louder:

You could not have known, but there is Someone who did.”

And we cry out, “If it’s true, You knew…

why did You not try harder to stop the evil,

the excruciating pain, the senseless deaths?

Our loved ones like silent, and the grave has won.”

Or has it?

If only we had known Your pain, your suffering, Your agonizing death…

If only we had known, maybe we would have loved more.

If only we had known, maybe we would have tried harder.

If only we had known, maybe we would have come sooner.

If only we had known.

But we are not our own;

this world is not our home.

Our lives are just on loan…

If only we had known.

“Hush…” comes a stern but gentle reply.

“It’s not too late for some. The fate of others waits for you,

your love, your compassion, your time—

ones you have known who still need a hug,

a whisper of assurance that they are not alone—

those still crying…

‘”If only we had known.’”

Every person has been affected some way by 9/11. And many of us have our own reflections about 9/11. We’ve all changed, along with our world. But in the absence of answers to our questions, we live in a nation that can still embrace and encourage each other if we will–through the losses and the memories and the questions that will never end. And even when we feel like our world is falling apart, we have a God who never changes…never…ever. He is the only One who can bring good from bad, or joy from sorrow. And He is the only One we can turn to in times like 9/11. His faithfulness never ends.