Job loss, financial crisis, rebellious children, disappointments, rejection, unexpected illness–the list goes on. The list that is, we call bad. Is bad ever good? Can anything good come from a bad situation? That depends.

Some negative circumstances we readily recognize as good. You’re  involved in a car accident–minor injuries–but x-rays reveal a small tumor. Surgery can remove it and literally save your life. It’s in the early stages. You wouldn’t have known about the problem apart from the accident. Was the accident good? No. But good came from it. 

Many life-changing events don’t spell good, however. Some may want to throw stones if we even suggest it. But consider these possibilities. What good can result from these bad situations?

Job Loss

• Freedom to choose a new vocation.
• Chance to pursue a long-time dream. Some successful a have risen from such bad circumstances. Fired from another home improvement chain, Arthur Blank and Bernard Marcus founded the successful Home Depot.
• Dependence on God and His provision as Jehovah Jireh, the God Who Provides. (Philippians 4:19). May allow others a blessing by using their gifts to minister on your behalf.

Major Accident

• Re-evaluation of your life: “Why am I still here?”
• Complete change of direction. A car accident that almost totaled my  husband’s car (when we were still dating as youth) turned his heart toward full-time Christian ministry. He never wavered from that decision at the age of 18.
• Even serious injuries can purify our hearts if we let God do His work.

Marriage Difficulties

• Reveals dormant (or prominent) marital issues that still need work. My husband I often tell couples that conflict can be positive, not always negative. It can simply mean there’s more growth potential in your marriage–lots of God’s grace still to experience. One of grace’s definitions to me is room to grow. God gives us much room to grow.
• Empathy for others. You can add this to almost any situation you experience. Successfullly working through (and even sometimes failing at) can open up areas of tenderness and ministry to others in similar situations. Because of a difficult marriage season in our own lives, my husband and I pursued training as marriage enrichment leaders years ago. God has so blessed as we’ve tried to help other couples and led marriage weekend retreats.
• Greater dependence on God and prayer.
• Deeper marital intimacy after you “hit the wall” and move past it. Runners often experience this halfway point where they must push past in order to succeed and even finish the race. With bodies screaming, and mind racing along with legs pumping, they may feel resistance with every move. But pushing past that “invisible wall” they move past the point of no return to success. It’s a principle you can apply to almost any bad situation if you want to move forward and realize the good.

Rebellious Kids

• New dependence on God and prayer support from others. God often forges friendships and support networks through mutual experiences.
• Opportunity to believe and see God work in seemingly impossible situations. Billy Graham’s son, Franklin Graham–who later called himself “Rebel With a Cause” in his autobiography–brought grief to his parents as a prodigal son. But God brought Franklin back, and he is now President of Samaritan’s Purse, an organization that has literally reached around the world for Christ.
• Revealing of deeper issues in realationships that can ultimately bring you closer to God and your children.

Loss of Loved One

• Deepened heart hunger for God and a new dependence on Him. Often results in a new longing for yur real home in heaven.
• Reevaluation of what is truly important in life (simplifying of priorities).
• Influence in making new laws/groups to help prevent tragedies that could have been avoided. (ex. MADD- Mothers Against Drunk Driving)
• Testimony to the unsaved. At one young man’s funeral, a relative challenged the friends of the deceased to choose Jesus. Eleven did.
• Opportunity to bring comfort and healing to others who have experienced grief as well. God used the testimony of my friend Susan who lost her teenage son and opened up a world of writing, speaking, and grief ministry.

Other Apparent Tragedies or Disappointments

• New, total dependency on God (as with all the situations above).
• Enlarged opportunities to show God’s amazing grace and power through our difficulties. The video on this site about Nick Vjuicic is a great example, or you can see more of his life here. Josh Hamilton, a Texas Rangers baseball player and recovering drug addict, shares his Christian testimony many places. One of those is called I Am Second.
• Empathetic heart that can help bring others through their difficulties.

Before you object with “That hasn’t happened to me. Nothing good has come from my situation!” remember God’s plans for you: ”to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future” (Jeremiah 29:11, NIV). And the good He desires may differ from your definition. But it will ultimately be good and bring good. In some cases, we won’t see–or understand–the good this side of heaven. But our omniscient God does.

Don’t misunderstand me. Few of us immediately pop up smiling from a tragedy or disabling situation with, “Praise the Lord!” Healing takes time, but bad can be good if we will ultimately trust God to “work all things together.” It’s not time, but God, that will bring the good He has planned all along.

A Matter of Choice…Or More?

It’s a matter of choice, right–how we respond to the negative circumstances of our lives? That’s the key. Yes and No. It is a response, and it is a matter of choice. But it’s more. It’s a desire. A deep down desire that longs, that craves, that chooses to trust God while we’re in the waiting room with Him–no matter what the outcome.

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28 NIV

What about you? How has God brought good out of a bad situation or experience in your life?

NEXT: FIVE QUESTIONS TO ASK WHILE WE’RE IN GOD’S WAITING ROOM

Most of us have heard that silence is golden. But sometimes silence can hurt.

We held one of those infamous garage sales at our home recently–the kind where you clean out closets, drag out forgotten things from under beds, and purge the garage of stacked “stuff” that won’t fit into your house. It’s always fun to meet interesting people who stop by to view your wares. Occasionally, they’ll stay long enough to share personal stories.

This sale was no exception. An attractive boomer-age woman who came by told us of an experience that happened to her mother years earlier. This is my paraphrase of her story: 

Her mom had just moved to a large metropolitan area and was hoping to meet and make friends in her new home. She joined several organizations, including a local church. But no one would befriend her. No one even spoke to her.

Is it my deodorant? My clothes? The way I talk? A hundred questions raced through her mind, but she found no answers. Women seemed to avoid her as if she had a contagious disease. No one spoke to her or invited her to their home.

Finally, her mother decided to confide in one woman whom she respected, one of the women leaders in the church women’s organization. “What’s wrong with me? Have I angered someone? Why is everyone avoiding me?”

The woman leader frowned slightly and looked around, then spoke in a hushed tone. “Are you sure you want to know?”

“Of course, I do. Please, if you know something, tell me!”

The leader continued in a soft whisper-voice. “It’s–it’s the company you keep.”

“The company I keep? What do you mean?”

She took a deep breath and said, “It’s your lifestyle. You have police cars coming and going to your house, night and day. A woman of your reputation and your kind of company, um, doesn’t exactly paint a good, wholesome picture. The ladies are offended by this kind of activity.

 Her mother’s eyes widened as a she tried to stifle a grin. “Would you do me a favor? Ask some of the ladies to come to my home this Tuesday for lunch. I’d like to show you something.”

“Well, um, I don’t know….” The woman stammered, shaking her head.

“Please, just ask. You and the ladies come at 12:00 Noon this Tuesday. I’ll have lunch waiting.”

The ladies decided to go together as a group and accept her mother’s invitation. But when they arrived at Noon on Tuesday, just as they expected, police cars surrounded her mother’s home. Her mom invited the women in and took them immediately to her kitchen where she had prepared lunch. Eight uniformed police officers sat at the kitchen table, eating lunch.

Turning to the women, then pointing to the policemen, her mother smiled and said, “I want you to meet some special people in my life: “This is my husband, my brother, my son, my son-in-law, my brother-in-law, my nephew…They’re all police officers.”

The mother had no problem with friendships from that point on.

Silence is not always golden. And the absence of words can do just as much damage as speaking harmful ones. We may not start a juicy morsel of gossip. But saying nothing is just as bad, especially if we believe without checking out the truth for ourselves.

Words originate with thoughts. And God knows the thoughts of our hearts. Things are not always as they seem. Judging–or jumping–to the wrong conclusions can discourage the hearer. And who hasn’t been the victim growing up at one time or another with the powerful effects of “the silent treatment?” To “ice” others by refusing to acknowledge their presence or to express our disapproval of them may prove a point, but it won’t win friends. Both of these methods involve an intentional withdrawal of affection. It’s so–pharisaical and just plain, mean-spirited.

God knows our need for encouragement. “Encourage one another daily,” (Hebrews 3:13). Encouraging words are like warm blankets that ward off hurtful, icy blasts. And in the wintertime moments of our lives, we all need a warm blanket.

Have you ever misjudged someone? Or been the object of someone’s hurtful gossip? How has someone been a “warm blanket” for you with their encouraging words? Remembering how it feels may help you go searching in your spiritual closet for some spare blankets. Those kind should never be sold in a garage sale. Instead, dispense them freely to everyone you meet.

Have you ever tried to build a marriage with bricks? Encouraging words might help you do that. 

Today’s post is from a guest writer–my husband, Larry:

“To encourage or ‘edify’ literally means ‘to build a home.’ The writer of Proverbs said wisely, ‘A word aptly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver’ (Proverbs 25:11, NIV).  As you edify your mate, you are constructing your marriage, buiding a rock-solid foundation for your home out of love and consideration. How do you do that?

“Affirming words are strong bricks that build esteem in our mates, especially when we offer them with precise timing–like when Rebecca has just put on her dress and is looking at herself in the mirror with that ‘I-sure-don’t-look-as-good-in-this-as-I-used-to’ look on her face. Bingo! What an opportune moment to reassure her that I still find her extremely attractive. Or when I’m staring at my to-do-list with that ‘I’ll-never-get-all-of-this-done’ look on my face, it’s a great time for Rebecca to give me a word of thanks and encouragement for working to provide for her and the family.

“I remember a time in our marriage when I had resigned my position on our church staff and was trying to determine what God really wanted me to be doing. I felt discouraged and was wrestling with self-doubt. Rebecca and I were sitting on the couch in the den one night shortly after my resignation, when she turned to me and said, ‘You know, you’re really awesome.’

“‘I am?’”

“She began to enumerate the ways she considered me to be a blessing in life: the ways I supported her, the strength she drew from me, my sensitivity to the children, my wisdom as a spiritual leader. She piled up ‘apples of gold in settings of silver’ on me that refreshed and brightened me in a way that nothing else could have done. I got up the next morning ready to face the future with confidence.”1

That’s a short exerpt from the book Larry and I wrote together: Marriage Toners, Weekly Exercises to Strengthen Your Relationship.  We hope to have that book available soon on our website as an e-book. You can read more about it on our marriage enrichment page–as well as information on our marriage enrichment retreats. The principles in that book have transformed our marriage through the years, and we love encouraging couples any way we can!

I wish Larry and I could say we’ve always encouraged each other through uplifting, encouraging words. But probably like you, we forget easily. Your circumstances may differ completely from ours. It doesn’t matter. All couples need to work at “building the home” together. Maybe you, like us, need some quick reminders on how to do that. If so, practicing affirming words is a good place to start. Try building with these quick encouraging word “bricks”:

1. Catch each other doing something good, positive, or helpful. Brag on them for doing it!
2. Write down your spouse’s positive characteristics. Then compliment them in those areas often.
3. Find something good to say about your spouse daily–regardless of how your day went.
4. Think up an encouraging word picture that describes your spouse or how you feel about them (Song of Songs in the Bible is full of word pictures. You may just need to make yours more, um, 21st century-ish). Instead of saying, “Your teeth are like a flock of sheep…” (Song of Songs 4:2 NIV), you might say: “Honey, I love your beautiful smile! It’s like a bright ray of sunshine that lights up my heart.”

Everyone loves a good word.

What about you? What kind of encouraging “bricks” have you used to build your marriage?

1Larry & Rebecca Jordan, Marriage Toners 

We were keeping our two-year-old grandson Caden recently, and we noticed he kept sticking his foot (sandal) in his mouth, biting his shoe, while riding in the car seat.

“Yuk, Caden!” I’d say. “Don’t put your foot in your mouth!” I’d yank it out. Then he’d look at me with mischievous eyes and do it again.

“No, Caden, Shooey! Yukky!” I didn’t know what words to say to emphasize the meaning enough for a toddler to understand.

One time he decided to munch on the ground up gum mixed with black asphalt pebbles that clung to the bottom of his sandal. I guess he thought that might taste cool. “Shoe’s dirty, Caden!” I’d take the sandal out and a few seconds later, the game would begin again.

Like other kids his age, Caden’s just a curious child. It’s a game to him. Hopefully he’ll discover that’s not the most “clean” thing to do. After all, shoes carry germs. And germs can play havoc with our health.

We’re not kids anymore, and as grownups we know better than to stick our foot in our mouths. But unfortunately we do it anyway. Yuk! When that happens to me, I jokingly refer to it as the “gift of blurt.” But it’s not always a laughing matter.

You know what I’m talking about: words you spit out faster than you allow your brain (or the Holy Spirit) to edit them. We may utter an uncensored piece of truth, mixed with a gob of “grit.” We say the wrong thing, the embarassing thing, a hurtful thing, a thoughtless thing. And once we stick our foot in our mouth, the damage has been done. The germs are spread and they carry their “poison” to all who hear. Spiritually, it’s extremely “unhealthy”.

Wholesome, encouraging words give grace to the hearer. It’s time to grow up and stop putting a sooty foot in our mouths. Perhaps it would even be wise to remove our shoes in the presence of God and allow Him to put His words in our mouths instead.

“Do not let any unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment that it will give grace to those who hear” Ephesians 4:29 (NIV).

ENCOURAGING WORDS THAT BRING GRACE TO THE HEARER

AND GREATNESS TO YOUR LIFE OR BUSINESS

1. “You may be right.”
2. “I forgive you.”
3. “I was wrong.”
4. “God loves you, and so do I.”
5. “Thank you so much. I appreciate you.”
6. “It’s my pleasure.” (Chick-fil-a® has built a great business by training their personnel to emphasize these three simple words to every customer.)

What’s your prescription for the gift of “blurt”? What humorous experiences have you had with the gift of “blurt”? What kind of words bring grace to you (and can spell greatness to the lives of others)?

I love words. Words can change your life. Words are my vocation, partly because of some encouraging words I received when I was only a senior in high school.

Years ago, a stranger clipped my senior picture from the local paper and enclosed it with a hand-written, encouraging note in the mail: “You have a beautiful smile.” Just five words–and a simple gesture that took maybe five or ten minutes, but can you guess I started flashing my pearly whites after that?

Those thoughtful words made such an impression on me that I decided I could do the same thing. As a young wife and mom I started scouring our small-town newspaper for articles about people: wedding announcements, death notices, school honorees–anything that warranted a “Good for you!” “I’m praying for you,” or “I’m so sorry.”

People would call me, wondering why a stranger would take the time to send them a note. I wasn’t trying to enlist them for anything. I was simply copying a kind deed someone had done for me. I kept remembering Paul’s words in the book of Acts that talked about how Jesus went about doing good (Acts 10:38). Maybe my simple “words” could classify as doing some good for others.

But it took a negative experience to cement my belief in the true power of encouragement: working in a job where words of encouragement were as scarce as the time given me to complete the demanding work overload for two anxious employers. I was young and inexperienced but it seemed as if mistakes were, um, unforgivable. The constant lack of grace, sensitivity, and encouragement left me drained–and sent me home sprawling across my bed in tears on many nights.

I hadn’t yet discovered my love of words through writing then, but I knew enough to recognize the power of positive, encouraging words. God reminded me of the powerful words of Proverbs 25:11 (NIV): “A word aptly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver.”

The job ended after a year but my determination solidified: With God’s help, I would always try to paint word pictures that would bring beauty, encouragement, and healing–ones that would create “apples of gold in settings of silver” in the hearts of others.

Ultimately it was–and is–God’s encouragement that constantly lifts my spirits and keeps me positive and loving life. Listen to some of His words of encouragement:

• “I will be with you” (Isaiah 43:2 NIV).
• “My peace I give you” (John 14:27 NIV).
• “I will not forget you” (Isaiah 49:15 NIV).
• “I will give you rest” (Matthew 11:28 NIV).
• “You are precious and honored” (Isaiah 43:4 NIV).

Now, those are the kind of words that can change your life.

What about you? When and how have you discovered the power of encouragement? What words have encouraged you? How have the words of God and others changed your life? Challenge for study: What five words in Scripture can you find that have made (or could make) a difference in your life?

(Condensed adaptation from Day-votions™ for Women, © 2009, Rebecca Barlow Jordan (Grand Rapids, Michigan: Zondervan).